I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
