can u get pink eye on your cock?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
