oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
