i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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