I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
