we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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