Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
