So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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