will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
