First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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