last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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