I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.