I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
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maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine