I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.