omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
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She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.