it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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