I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
