A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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