Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
