just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
