Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
