She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
