just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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