I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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