I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
