my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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