Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
