Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry melissssaaaa hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(316): View more from Kansas

Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.

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(417): View more from Missouri

My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer

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(585): View more from New York

Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello

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(661): View more from California

Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil

Fav 10 2021 1451
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(616): View more from Michigan

Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.

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(614): View more from Ohio

What happened last night?

(1-614): View more from Ohio

Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..

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