I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
