my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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