If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
