I'm eating all of the evidence.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
