The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
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At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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