friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
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If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize