She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
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we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
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You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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