You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
