a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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