Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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