I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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