whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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