I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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