I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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