Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
