His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
