Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
