I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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