Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
