Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
