i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
