Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
