I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
