I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Vodka?
Forever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
