I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
