I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
