she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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