I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
