i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
