You don't have asthma, your pregnant
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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