dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
