Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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