What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
