so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
