Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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