Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
