i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
