I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
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Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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